I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
