I wish I only lived at night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love you. Go after that dick
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
