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Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
