Me. At least after what I've been through.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
