A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
