u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
