Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
