so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
