I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
