Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
