Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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