is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
