No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
