i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
