i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
