Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
