Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
