We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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