I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
