Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
