I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
