im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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