Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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