If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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