it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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