..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize