trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
