sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
