Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize