Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
