I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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