3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
