You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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