You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
