if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
