I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
