I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
