ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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