Hey man sorry I got all grabby
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize