Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
