i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
