dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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