just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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