there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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