i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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