need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
