What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
