How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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