i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize