i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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