i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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