She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
