Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
