Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
