her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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