we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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