this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
