So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
