At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
