$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
