I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize