I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Randomize
