when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
