i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
