I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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