At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
